'I’ll do it later': 22-year-old daughter starts treating 58-year-old farmer dad like a child after 22 years of him failing to do what he said he will

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jun 19, 2026 8:00 PM EDT

"The Curious Case of the Farmer Dad"

As we get older, our roles in relation to our parents often become reversed. In short, we become the parents, and they become the children. This doesn't always happen, but when it does, it becomes a source of profound distress. In the case of the daughter who shared her experience with this, I think it's more of a 'the dad never grew up to begin with' situation, but we'll see.

Lately, I've come to terms with the fact that I've idealized adulthood my whole life, and I used to think older people knew things I didn't or had some common special wiring that came with age. Turns out, they don't. Your level of maturity has little to no relation to your age whatsoever, and some people remain blissfully teenagers for all the course of their lives.

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  • elderly farmer stands with a scythe in a grassy field
    via Matthias Fuhrimann

    An illustrative picture of the farmer dad

  • AITA for treating my dad like a child after years of him refusing to do anything around the farm?

    I (22F) live on a farm with my parents. My dad (58M) has always had very traditional views about gender roles. He firmly believes men should be the providers and women should stay home, clean the house, cook, and take
    via staticcowgirl
  • care of the family. The problem is that my dad never actually earned enough money to support our family on a single income. Because of that, my mum had to work full time while also doing most
    via staticcowgirl
  • of the cooking, cleaning, and raising three kids. On top of that, my dad is honestly one of the laziest people I've ever met. My brother is in the army and lives away from home, and my sister is a nurse who works long hours. I'm the
    via staticcowgirl
  • only one still living at home, so over the years I've tried to take some pressure off my mum. The issue is that whenever something needs doing around the property, my dad will say, "Yeah, I'll do
    via staticcowgirl
  • it." Then he doesn't. Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. Eventually I'll get frustrated and we'll have a massive argument. Only then will he suddenly decide to start the job. He'll go down to the local
    via staticcowgirl
  • hardware store, put on a big performance about being a farmer fixing things, spend a bunch of money on stuff we don't need, and come home with even more junk. He's a huge hoarder and constantly buys things he
    via staticcowgirl
  • has no use for. Then the job gets done halfway. Most of the time I end up having to go back over it to fix it. Honestly, the hardest part of repairing anything on our property isn't the actual repair, it's undoing whatever my dad already
    via staticcowgirl

  • The father from this story seems to prioritize his reputation over his reality, which is something I’ve noticed a lot of people do. I think being confronted with a flaw or a weakness of one's own is a hard pill to swallow, and it pushes some people towards denial and trying to enlarge their persona through a big performance before the eyes of the crowd. This pattern is especially hard to interrupt if it’s been going on for pretty much all the adult’s life, and in this case, it seems it is. Back in the day, earning less than your spouse was a hard blow to a man’s ego, and apparently, for this dad, it was easier to pretend he was this big thing than to just be it.

  • did to it. Because of this, I've spent years teaching myself how to fix fences, plumbing, rewire electric gates, service a tractor, mow, whipper snip, spray weeds, use a chainsaw, and
    via staticcowgirl
  • handle a bunch of general maintenance jobs, as well the smaller household repairs like changing light fittings, door handles, etc. Lately I've stopped asking him to do things because I know it won't happen. I'll either do it myself or pay
    via staticcowgirl
  • a woman kneeling of the ground in a plantation
    via Zoe Richardson

    A model representing the girl doing everything around the house

  • someone who actually knows what they're doing. My dad says I treat him like a child and don't respect him. He says I undermine him and make him feel useless. He's even gone as far as saying my attitude is
    via staticcowgirl
  • one of the reasons his marriage to my mum is failing.
    via staticcowgirl
  • From my perspective, I'm just exhausted after 22 years of hearing "I'll do it later” and then either doing it myself or fixing his mistakes afterward.
    via staticcowgirl

  • I think it’s great that the girl has learned so many skills, and they will likely prove themselves useful in the future, even though they resulted from trying to overcompensate for her father’s lack of proactivity. How I see it, she is right for treating her dad like that. If she plans to stay a lot longer in the house, she can try to mask it a little so she doesn’t hurt his ego and has to waste her time then catering to that. All in all, it would be better if she started planning her way out to live her life and help her father only from afar.

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family drama relationships dad family parents
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